It has been awhile since I have posted. I have had a lot of crap going on. During the height of my withdrawal from anti-depressants my daughter was hospitalized for pneumonia. Nearly a year ago we came very close to losing her due to the same circumstances. As you can imagine hubby and I were under a great amount of stress. Ativan became an unfortunate part of the daily regimen. I am happy to report that our hospital stay was only 4 days and we are all home and "healthy."
I have noticed the following side effects. If you have a weak stomach, turn your head and read no further.
*loose stool-pretty much sharted my drawers the other day
*tremors in the afternoon
*chills at night-freezing, shaking, craziness
*super irritable-told my hubby to fk off at least daily
*strange dreams that are incredibly realistic and vivid
*not much change in my overall mood, I feel like a major beeyotch
My doctor has been on vacation for over a week so I have no idea whether or not my lithium levels were good or bad. Hopefully monday will bring me some information.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Lithium trip
I started lithium yesterday. I was on an antibiotic that postponed my starting of lithium. Apparently when you mix Avelox and Lithium, sudden death is a side effect. WTF kind of "side effect" is that? I am not really noticing any earth shattering changes in mood or behavior which is to be expected. In a few days I will be taking it every 12 hours, at this time I am only taking it at night. The Dr. mentioned that some people get nauseous when taking lithium so she wanted to gradually get it in my system. I have to go on Saturday to get a blood test to check my lithium levels as well as my thyroid. My doctor advised me to drink at least 5 bottles of water every day. I am a Diet Dr. Pepper addict so that is going to be tough, so far I am doing OK with it. Who knows, maybe it will help me lose a little weight too. I was given instructions to call my Dr. on the 3rd of Nov. so that she can tell me my blood test results and whether or not I can start wellbutrin as my anti-depressant. At this point I am cautiously optimistic.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Psychiatrist visit
My first psychiatrist visit was yesterday. I wasn't sure what to expect. It was about 10 minutes of paperwork and 30 minutes of her asking me all sorts of questions. I had done my research on Bipolar so pretty much knew going in what she was going to ask about. I did make a list, I do that for everything to organize my thoughts. Every time I answered a question it was as if she already knew the answer. She confirmed that I am pretty much the classic example of a Bipolar person.
Her recommendations for me were as follows:
-start lithium after the antibiotic I am on is done-I have pneumonia at the moment-apparently there is a life-threatening drug interaction between the two
-once I start the lithium I need to drink about 5 bottles of water a day
-Exercise is also recommended
-I have to have a lithium level and thyroid blood test on the 30th
-my passion is painting (well it used to be), she suggested that I move my painting things to a room more conducive to creativity than the basement
-she suggested than when my temper is too much, to go to the bedroom and slam my pillow into the bed-I am a thrower of things that make noise so I am not so sure that will satisfy my need to throw things, we'll see. Over the last few days on nothing but lamictal I have been super "throwy."
-when I get pissed, my hubby is supposed to walk away
-start wellbutrin in 2 weeks
-She also wants me to walk the dogs morning and night for some "me" time and exercise
-within the next 5 years I need to give up some stuff like my part-time college teaching gig as well as the boutique I work at part-time
-with the kids being in stuff she said I am doing too much. She was happy to hear that I quit the few committees at work, she said bipolar people have so many ideas that everyone wants to use us, but we can't possibly do it ALL
I basically left the appointment thinking on my past and how different things could have been if i had been diagnosed in high school, which is when I think it all started. I do not regret the past, after all it has made me who I am. I have however been looking at everything in my past as either a manic time or a depressed time. It is fascinating to do, now that I know that is was likely a bipolar pattern. The scientist in me is intrigued by the data. The mom and wife in me feels horrible for my family and scared for my children.
Her recommendations for me were as follows:
-start lithium after the antibiotic I am on is done-I have pneumonia at the moment-apparently there is a life-threatening drug interaction between the two
-once I start the lithium I need to drink about 5 bottles of water a day
-Exercise is also recommended
-I have to have a lithium level and thyroid blood test on the 30th
-my passion is painting (well it used to be), she suggested that I move my painting things to a room more conducive to creativity than the basement
-she suggested than when my temper is too much, to go to the bedroom and slam my pillow into the bed-I am a thrower of things that make noise so I am not so sure that will satisfy my need to throw things, we'll see. Over the last few days on nothing but lamictal I have been super "throwy."
-when I get pissed, my hubby is supposed to walk away
-start wellbutrin in 2 weeks
-She also wants me to walk the dogs morning and night for some "me" time and exercise
-within the next 5 years I need to give up some stuff like my part-time college teaching gig as well as the boutique I work at part-time
-with the kids being in stuff she said I am doing too much. She was happy to hear that I quit the few committees at work, she said bipolar people have so many ideas that everyone wants to use us, but we can't possibly do it ALL
I basically left the appointment thinking on my past and how different things could have been if i had been diagnosed in high school, which is when I think it all started. I do not regret the past, after all it has made me who I am. I have however been looking at everything in my past as either a manic time or a depressed time. It is fascinating to do, now that I know that is was likely a bipolar pattern. The scientist in me is intrigued by the data. The mom and wife in me feels horrible for my family and scared for my children.
"Officially" Diagnosed
This is sort of a long story and I am not sure where to begin. Six years ago I gave birth to my second child. She was a beautiful baby, I and my husband could not have been happier. Well unfortunately, I was NOT happy.
Honestly I can't remember a time when I was considered a "happy" person.
Exercise, relaxation, massages, none of it seemed to work. I made a list of everything that I was having and issue with and headed off to the family doctor. She said it sounded like mild depression after I only gave her a few things on my list. I was prescribed a low dose of Lexapro. I called her 2 weeks later to tell her there was no change. She increased my dose again. After another 2 weeks I was on the phone again, I was now going to be on the maximum dose. I thought that this would do it... Well it took the edge off of my issues so I assumed that was as good as it was going to get. I went on that way for about 5 more years.
During this past summer I started noticing that i was irritable more times than not, started to forget easy things, had no sex drive, the list goes on. After a particular crappy day I called and made an appt. with my family doctor. Her first concern was the sex drive and not really my other symptoms. I was prescribed a low dose of cymbalta and a low dose of wellbutrin. The good new is that my sex drive returned a little, but I was a total bitch. Another call to the doctor, this was getting old real quick, she upped the meds so that I was on 60mg of cymbalta and 150mg of wellbutrin. No discernible difference in mood. What did happen is that I started to get tremors, as an artist this was not tolerable, how can you draw or paint when you can't even control your hand? I gave it the requisite 2 weeks to work it's way into my system, in fact I gave it about four as I was too busy to go back to the doctor. I called the doctor shortly thereafter and was told I needed to make an appointment to come in. I did, again with my list of issues. She listened to a few and started looking at my history of medication and came to the conclusion that maybe it isn't just depression, perhaps it is a mood disorder aka. Bipolar type 2. I was given a script for lamictal and referred to a psychiatrist. I called the psychiatrist immediately and was not able to get an appt. until January (this was in September). 3 days after I started the lamictal and started weaning the other meds I had a particularly bad day and was crying for about 4 hours straight. It was over something really dumb and I knew it, I just could NOT stop. I called the doctor AGAIN. My doctor was not in so I had to talk to someone else who knows nothing about me other than what is in my file. He told me to stop the current meds and go back to what I was on before, you know, the stuff that wasn't working. I actually ignored that and doubled the lamictal, hey it worked before... I put in a call to my own doctor the following day and she was ok with the changes I had made. A week or two went by and the only medicine I was on was the lamictal. I got a call from the psychiatrist's office saying that they had a cancellation and could I come in the following week. Heck yes I could! The day after that, all hell broke loose. I was in a particularly stressful meeting at work in which my integrity and passion for teaching were questioned in front of my peers. My peers essentially got the same treatment. All of us on this committee were chosen because of how much we care and want change. However, we were chosen by a previous supervisor and this was the new supervisor asserting her power, or that is how I rationalized it. Anyway, I silently wept through the entire meeting. The meeting ended but my crying got worse, so much so that I had an anxiety attack. I of course called my doctor, I spoke to her nurse which told me to do deep breathing and they would call ativan into the pharmacy. A friend from work had to go pick it up for me while I hid in an office. I am a teacher that every student knows and a few of them saw me and were very concerned. That made me feel even worse! After a hefty dose of ativan I was able to go to my classroom and suffer through the rest of the day while my student teacher taught my classes. The next week was rather uneventful other than me quitting a few of the committees I was on. That was a little bit of a relief.
Honestly I can't remember a time when I was considered a "happy" person.
Exercise, relaxation, massages, none of it seemed to work. I made a list of everything that I was having and issue with and headed off to the family doctor. She said it sounded like mild depression after I only gave her a few things on my list. I was prescribed a low dose of Lexapro. I called her 2 weeks later to tell her there was no change. She increased my dose again. After another 2 weeks I was on the phone again, I was now going to be on the maximum dose. I thought that this would do it... Well it took the edge off of my issues so I assumed that was as good as it was going to get. I went on that way for about 5 more years.
During this past summer I started noticing that i was irritable more times than not, started to forget easy things, had no sex drive, the list goes on. After a particular crappy day I called and made an appt. with my family doctor. Her first concern was the sex drive and not really my other symptoms. I was prescribed a low dose of cymbalta and a low dose of wellbutrin. The good new is that my sex drive returned a little, but I was a total bitch. Another call to the doctor, this was getting old real quick, she upped the meds so that I was on 60mg of cymbalta and 150mg of wellbutrin. No discernible difference in mood. What did happen is that I started to get tremors, as an artist this was not tolerable, how can you draw or paint when you can't even control your hand? I gave it the requisite 2 weeks to work it's way into my system, in fact I gave it about four as I was too busy to go back to the doctor. I called the doctor shortly thereafter and was told I needed to make an appointment to come in. I did, again with my list of issues. She listened to a few and started looking at my history of medication and came to the conclusion that maybe it isn't just depression, perhaps it is a mood disorder aka. Bipolar type 2. I was given a script for lamictal and referred to a psychiatrist. I called the psychiatrist immediately and was not able to get an appt. until January (this was in September). 3 days after I started the lamictal and started weaning the other meds I had a particularly bad day and was crying for about 4 hours straight. It was over something really dumb and I knew it, I just could NOT stop. I called the doctor AGAIN. My doctor was not in so I had to talk to someone else who knows nothing about me other than what is in my file. He told me to stop the current meds and go back to what I was on before, you know, the stuff that wasn't working. I actually ignored that and doubled the lamictal, hey it worked before... I put in a call to my own doctor the following day and she was ok with the changes I had made. A week or two went by and the only medicine I was on was the lamictal. I got a call from the psychiatrist's office saying that they had a cancellation and could I come in the following week. Heck yes I could! The day after that, all hell broke loose. I was in a particularly stressful meeting at work in which my integrity and passion for teaching were questioned in front of my peers. My peers essentially got the same treatment. All of us on this committee were chosen because of how much we care and want change. However, we were chosen by a previous supervisor and this was the new supervisor asserting her power, or that is how I rationalized it. Anyway, I silently wept through the entire meeting. The meeting ended but my crying got worse, so much so that I had an anxiety attack. I of course called my doctor, I spoke to her nurse which told me to do deep breathing and they would call ativan into the pharmacy. A friend from work had to go pick it up for me while I hid in an office. I am a teacher that every student knows and a few of them saw me and were very concerned. That made me feel even worse! After a hefty dose of ativan I was able to go to my classroom and suffer through the rest of the day while my student teacher taught my classes. The next week was rather uneventful other than me quitting a few of the committees I was on. That was a little bit of a relief.
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